Quick Thought

Alright I am going to talk to you like a best friend, except a best friend would know who I am talking about...

So I feel kind of like a moron...Yeah, ready? Drama queen part of me is coming out. Again.

I mean I just do, I feel like a moron. I don't know why. I just don't know what to do. Honestly I feel like a middle schooler and I have the growing pit in my stomach. There is a boy that I like, duh! I like him a lot. Thing is, I don't know why. I mean I know why I like him. I just can't figure out why I cant forget about him. I have been ale to do this before, to totally forget about a crush, and it's a harsh process for me. But I just can't figure out why this guy has a total grip on me!

And it saddens me too because we don't talk to each other as much as I would like to talk to him. But we do talk. See that should be able for me to be like, "BAM! We don't talk, so forget you! Good day!" But no, every time I see him, just an instant rush of feelings run through me. He has this magnetism, it's been this way ever since the week before Christmas break. I try not to focus on him, but then as soon as I see him, BOOM! And I am just so used to seeing him every weekend now, I don't know what I am going to do with my life with not being able to see him.

I need to FOCUS! I need to keep trying to figure out what I am going to do with my LIFE and this summer. But you know it's just like from the poem The Philosopher, "Yet a woman's ways are witless any sage will tell."

I went and talked to one of my friend's and he told me that I should be able to show I can be independent and I can show I can survive on my own and that I am a strong woman. And everyone just keeps saying God will bring you someone Percy! Thing is I think I found that person, and I just don't know how to approach it. Honestly I have been alone for far to long and I would like to get in the field and practice now. Cause I was in the field for only 6 weeks it was interesting good little start, but yeah screw that. Basically I was independent even through that unfortunate period of time.

And I won't see him for three months....

By the end of this treacherous hell story I am going through. I shall have a play idea/story for my playwriting class. Oh there is just something about theatre in your life....

He's there....

Well I am back. And I just need to write because writing always makes me feel better.

It has been quite hectic since my last post on here. I went through a lot of things. Two of them being the Phantom opening and then Sophomore Hearing.

Phantom of the Opera opened wonderfully here at Liberty. I think we are by far the best college/school to ever put on this show. Our set is breath taking and our director cast/crew is tremendous! The guy who plays the Phantom is absolutely my favorite! He has been the best I have heard compared to the two times I saw on Broadway. And one of the Phantoms I saw was Howard McGillan. Our phantom's voice is just so rich, unique, and strong. Our Christine reminds me of a lilly, she also has such a unique voice, it's sweet and also has that Adele Rolling in the Deep tortured feel to it and she is just gorgeous! The first Christine I saw on Broadway made me want to throw my head into a wall. Our Raoul is just perfect for the role. I couldn't see anyone else play that role other than this guy, he really is a prince charming no matter what he does. I mean come on he was Link in Hairspray.

I keep remembering back to 9th grade at SCS. How I just left my old high school at the beginning of the year and I just started making new friends. I was with a group of like 6 girls in the hallway I won't forget when one of them asked me, "Priscilla if you like Lord of the Rings, Pirates of the Caribbean, and all of that. You would probably really enjoy The Phantom of the Opera." I took her advice and went to blockbuster right before flying out to Texas Motor Speedway. I watched the movie at the track in the solitude of the lounge. After the movie was finished, I sang every word to everyone I talked to for the rest of the day. Iw as in LOVE!!!!

The next year for my Sweet 16 my parents had tricked me into thinking that they had bought me a car. And I didnt want a car because I couldnt get my license till next year. So I was pissed when my mom held out a manilla folder and in the shadow of the paper I saw the outline of keys. After a few bad words, I reached in to pull out my dad's van keys. I got confused and saw there were papers in there as well. When I reached in to pull them out I read the top line of the paper "TicketMaster." Once I pulled it all the way out I saw it was three tickets to New York City to see The Phantom of the Opera on Broadway. Yeah....major drama queen moment there... After running all around NYC the next day, night time had finally come. When we walked into the theater I stopped in the doorway, frozen when I saw the preset chandelier and broke down into tears. My parents tried to get me to move while hysterically laughing.

Now here I am four years into the future and I am involved with my first love. This cast is remarkable. They have blown my mind every time they go out to perform. I am so happy to be a part of all of it.












Now...the other thing...let me explain...

A sophomore hearing was the huge test that took yesterday. Basically a sophomore hearing is an audition/test. What you are supposed to do is find a playwright. Find a play by that playwright. Find a character that suits your own character from that play. Find a monologue from your character, and then research the crap out of everything about it. Once you have this ready by the time of your hearing you go before all three directors of the theatre department, you perform your monologue then they can ask you any question they desire. In order to pass this you need to score an 80, and you only get three tries. It's scary and challenging, but it's life, and the real world is just as scary.

I did Crimes of the Heart by Beth Henley, I did a monologue from Meg. I did not pass. I got a 70.
Most majors dont pass on their first try, which is uplifting in a way. I dont know what I did exactly wrong yet, but I know I wasnt in the moment when I was up there. And I know I did a lot of things wrong. I feel horrible. I feel like I let down my favorite professor/director down.

It hurts tremendously. What hurts even more is facing everyone and they all KNOW that you didnt pass. And there is nothing you can do about it except put on this mask and ACT your heart out. I almost broke down three times today in public. Once was this morning when I had to do the monologue all over again for a grade in class. Another was when I congratulated one of the boys who did pass and he said, "I'm sorry Priscilla." And another is when a guy gave me a huge hug in the theatre office, it was the first sincere hug I had gotten since I found out I failed, and boy I NEEDED it.

But this is what they call experiance. It's like Meet the Robinsons when they all cheered for him when he failed because failing builds character. But I don't feel like I wasted my time, I feel like I can do it again, and I can be even more prepared when I go in next time for the fall. I just need to find that perfect play and that perfect character. And I know I have to keep reminding myself God has a plan, what happens is best for me and He knows it!

But other than that it feels good to have somewhat of my life back. I can finally enjoy the Phantom and not have to keep reminding myself I should be studying my sophomore hearing. OH and the ENCOURAGEMENT and prayers I got from all of my friends and family when I asked them to pray for me. It was so inspiring and totally made me feel LOVED! Just read some of it!

"Oh course I will pray for you.. You will be fine, try to relax alittle if you. Love you...."

"I will definitely be praying for you! I know you'll give your all for the test!"

"Already saying prayers for you Percy! Our Lord will be there for you because you have asked Him to be."

"Imagine it going well about 100 times in your head the same scenario and it will, plus a deep meditation before you go in will help a lot with relaxation."

"I will be praying for you!"

"love you too Priscilla! i will be praying!"

"Im prayin for percy! I love you too!"

"Praying for you."

"You got it sweetie!! Love you!"

"You'll do great Priscilla! Just remember...And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28"

"Hey Priscilla...I will tell you the same thing I tell my kids...relax...give your 100%, you have done the best you can...the outcome is in the Lord's hands - He has a purpose and a plan for your life..trust in Him and whatever happens from there is the best thing that could ever happen to you! You will do great! Lots of love and prayers!"

"I will definitely be praying for you! I know that you can do it and I know the Lord will calm you. He has everything in His hands. So trust Him and give it up to Him before you walk in the room and His will will be done! I love you so much! I know that you will do so great!"

"I'll be praying for u Percy love you"

"you'll be great priscilla and while it's good to have God on your side and all of these fabulous friends praying for you including me; you should feel confident in your amazing gifts, talent and work ethic - these items are on your side as well. you'll be great! can't wait to hear how it goes."

"I'm praying, Priscilla!!! I know you'll do awesome!!! I can't wait to hear how it goes...love ya!!"

"Ok! I've already prayed for you- you'll do great, just relax a little"

That's right I have some amazing people in my life. Including my best friend Jaylyn who didnt leave my side all day yesterday! She made sure to keep an eye on me until I found out if I passed or not and stood in the hallway and waited while I went in for my hearing. Jaylyn is probably the bestest friend I ever had in my life. Also my parents are just so understanding and even if I did fail they are still proud of me for trying.